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Thursday, November 20, 2014

The underlying clutter of an innocent soul

Posted by at 09:44 Read our previous post

“Within the periphery of the utmost thoughts, my inner console has given up. All these years of transformations has driven out the peace inside me. I became a relentless wanderer and a warrior of these social hypocrites. No wonder how far I have made my etchings are still unclear.

Wherever I go I envision the mass, the mass without latitudes and without hunger. With their red eyes, their thirst couldn’t be concealed, yet they are dreadfully thirsty. Yes, I am petrified with this eternal thirst shoving sluggishly towards, could it engulf me”- um…… I gazed through the audience and couldn’t narrate the lines further.

No wonder this is not my first time, I have never narrated this to the end. As always, I am amused and then, recollected-- I was in grade 10 when I wrote it and was super excited to narrate this in front of the valued authors who have visited my school for an event, and there I narrated it avidly. I knew it was my hundred percent but I collapsed, at the same point as today.

Mr. Birag, Mr. Birag, the Mc was calling me from behind, Are you alright? I nodded and he said, - well then please, carry on. I skim through the mystified audience, and handed the mic. In a moment, I slide down the stair and was already out of Nach ghar.

I left the venue, lit my cigarette, and was already walking towards Ratnapark. I stopped for a while, leaning on Ranipokhari’s boundary wall and tried to gaze in the pond, with a puff, I blew the smoke into the air, as a rocket towards the sky. Sadly, the smoke didn’t accelerate as a rocket but it slowly started to scatter and coalesces with the air.

There was no choice, no choice for smoke! The essence of turmoil lasted till I was inert and asleep.

I woke up as a lazy dog, made my black coffee and there I sat with a blank mind. What do I expect? In a warm sunny Mangsir day, enjoying the bitterness within the sweetness, and just basking in the sun. The nightmare was over, didn’t wanted to indulge myself on same thing. What a man want in a life?

My mind forcefully makes me ponder on my poignant state though how hard I just tried to bask. I know, I am unable to relate. I know, I will find the answer that day when I would be able to differentiate between killing an infant who have gone through many surgeries as eight and have several infectious organs or giving that infant a life, which would be a right thing to do.

My secrets are within me, I can’t reveal but I can’t run away from that narrative, it provokes me, as a lump in my throat, which I can’t repudiate.

“The paradigm of bubonic plague, the lewd thirst, has gulped down the generation. But has it transmuted too?-to a filthy genome? Or, it is lingering to the annihilation. “

The egalitarian bilkers of this country, the elitist of this republic, and the Diaspora of mass, whip up all, they are homogeneous, they are identical, and they are parallel.”


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