Khesra

Friday, 27 April 2012


THE BLIND WOMAN WITH A STRANGER MAN


A reflection of the full moon in a deep blue lake, with stars glittering over it; there sat a frog on a stone submerged in water, croaking. In this beautiful night, a lady was strolling her way into the deep dark forest.  She was scanning the ground with a stick, to find her way to the forest. As she walks slowly along the bank, briskly strides chain her feet at the very earth.

Lady, “Stranger, as I acknowledge, you are moving towards me, are you crossing the forest this night or you have another destiny.”

Stranger, “Yes, I am heading towards north, and I am in bit hurry, no time to natter, if you have something crucial go on”.

The husky voice of a man, gave a chill to the lady. The stranger was a handsome man in mid 20’s, with strong masculine features. He has light brown eyes with beards growing in his face. He was an elegant man wearing a black coat, converse and a cap, and he has hair long enough to hang out of his cap.

Lady, “ I am going in the same direction, as I cannot see, I am looking for an eye as a companion, so I wouldn’t be eaten by a tiger in this scary dark night.”

He was standing in front of the lady, and he says with a smile, “Do you cross this forest in day alone?”

The lady was a thin young girl in early 20’s with a dark scar on her face. She dressed clumsily in long skirt and shirt with long boots.

The blind girl instantly replied, “Yes I do.”

Man, “So, why do you need the companion at night”?

Blind girl, “As I told you earlier, I don’t want to be a dinner, at this time of my life.”

Man, “Okay lady, if you want me to help you cross this forest then there are some rules you might need to follow, if these rules, you agree to follow, then, I will”.

She was a bit surprised with the conditions; even both of them are walking in the same way, what kinds of rule she needs to follow. And without thinking much she says, “Yes, I agree with all your rules.”

Man, “hey hold on, hold on, don’t be so quick to jump into it, before hearing the rules.”

Blind girl, “Okay, tell me the rules or we can discuss this walking in the way.”

Man, “No, Rule one, you will not talk with me in the whole way, not even a word.”

Blind girl, “This isn’t that hard, I can do that, but would you like to tell me your name”.

Man, “Rule second, even if there is something wrong, you would not speak a single word from your mouth.”

Man, “Rule three, not even a word. Do you agree to follow these?”

Blind lady(thinking), ‘what a crazy man’.

Blind girl, “Well, I don’t have anything to talk with you, so it’s fair enough, I agree with all of your rules”.

Man, “Okay lady, follow me.”

And then, the man steps in front of the lady and says, “Well my name is Eldridge”.

Blind girl doesn’t speak a word and keeps walking.

Man, “You are a smart girl, but if you don’t mind, may I know, how you got the scar on your face?”

“Is it with this scarring you got blind or you were blind from the birth?”

She was quiet and busy scanning the ground with her stick and walking.

She was blind but now she is acting deaf too.

After a long pause, man speaks, “Aren’t you scared walking with complete stranger”.
And they keep on walking as time passes by.

A slow humming melody was in the air and slowly humming rises and took a shape of a song, “this is the kind of night where the devil melts in love.”

It was the man singing in his voice, the lovely voice that lady has ever heard, she was enjoying the time, his company, and his voice. He sings with deep integrity, as it was coming from the core of his soul.
She was a bit sad that she isn’t allowed to talk.

She was thinking, why I can’t talk, he has such a lovely voice. We are the traveler together; the time would have easily passed away. Well, I don’t regret this condition, as if I were talking then I couldn’t be able to hear him singing.

This very night in my life has made me curious about how it would be able to see the world. The strangest feeling I have ever had, I have a desire to see this man. I haven’t seen myself, as I never have vision since I was in this world. I never wished once to see this cruel world but this time it was different.

It seems like to me that the world is the happiest place to be in, which I never felt before. I was a bit surprised for newer and strange feeling I have got. I was living for the sake of my tom, it was the only companion in my life, who waits me in the door, when I got home, welcomes me with hugs and kisses. It walks with me half way into the forest when I am leaving home to sell the guava in the city.

I realized within my thoughts, the melody has already died, and even I was not able to hear long strides made by the stranger walking in front of me.

The cold chill ran through my veins, as the feeling of loneliness stroke me. I am bit scared, I lost him in the way, now I have to walk this dark forest, with fear as every night. Today, in the city, some people were talking that last night there was a tiger which killed some goats near the forest.

The deep silence there, not even the sounds of leaves ruffling.  I couldn’t move another step forward, just sat down in the ground. I was on my knees, putting my forehead on earth. The things I could feel was cold earth and the deep silence.

Suddenly, the very sharp thing thumped on my back rapidly, my body jerked up in pain. It cuts through my flesh penetrated deep inside and the warm blood rushing out, down the spinal line. The shock I had was immense which instantly dragged me into the clouds of unconsciousness.

Long after, I sense my burning skin, started to scan the ground for my stick, after two or three attempts I stumble on the rubber handle, slowly rising up from the ground with the support of my blind stick, was able to move some steps. I was moving forward at a speed with enormous pain as I can, the glory of the beautiful night have changed into a nightmare within few seconds of time.

One never knows what comes their way; I didn’t understand what happened to me, is that an animal attack? Oh! What if it comes again, I have a feeling that I can’t cross this forest tonight; this is my last day of my blackened life. I was walking desperately, stumbling over the tweaks and bushes.

The fear of death was mounting with every breathe I inhale. If everything is settled in life, then one should be aware of rapidly forwarding hurricanes that can strike you any time.

Terror was revolving in my eyes, hustling and rushing, running blindfolded, I banged my forehead on the tree and fallen down.

Everything was even darker than before, dark ……..

Wake up; wake up, lady are you alright. I can barely hear the husky voice, sooner, it was growing louder and louder and with a jerk, I opened my blind eyes. I started to shiver, he helped me to get on my foot and I throw myself over him and hugged him very tight not to let him go, or not to be alone.

He said what happened, where were you, I have been looking for you since one hour, don’t be afraid, it's all right you are safe. He soaked my blood with soft material. I was in shock and the fear inside me was not to settle.

He slowly pushed me away from him but hold my hands to make me feel better and secure. Stranger man.“What happened lady?”

Not even a single word came out of me, we started to walk again.

I realized it was uneasy to hold hands of stranger man; I slowly pulled away mines, Stranger man, “I hope you are feeling better, and don’t get yourself lost now, walk beside me.

The stranger man talks like nothing happened to me, and don’t care much. Why should he? Anyway we were just crossing the forest together. But, I was bleeding, where was he, when the animal attacked me? He probably saw, the beast in the way and ran away to protect himself, such a coward.

I just want to cross it sooner, and I started to walk faster, even faster, strolling quickly with my blind stick even in front of the stranger man. Stranger man, “hey lady, you walk faster than me, anything wrong?”

He irritated me with his normal chats, I didn’t understand him at all, he pretends as nothing happened, such a douche-bag.

I didn’t want to talk with him; everything died which was growing before. Small hatred arose in me.

I heard the humming voice again, “this is the kind of night where the devil melts in love…….”

After a while, he started singing, “A special world for you and me, a special bond one cannot see….”

I was losing myself with his voice, even more lost in the words of his song? It was impossible to not to adore him, it was hard to stay away from him, I was falling for him, even he let me be a prey to predator.

I didn’t understand what was happening, is love really so blind, it doesn’t listen to any other commotion. I wanted to hate him at this moment, but that hatred which aroused in me was already vanishing. I just remembered when I hugged him, how he compassionately rolled his hands on my head and how he soaked my blood.

He was still singing but different song, but I was deep in my imagination of caring him, playing him and so on. I almost forgot what happened an hour ago. I was floating with song slowly; he was beside me and holds my hand and sings,

“My love is like a river
that will never end
my love is like a dove
with a metaphor to understand “

He left my hand and is still in his flow.  I was happy even with the cuts on my body and the barely clotted wounds. I was enjoying the moment, which might not be the same another day, I was living my fullest with hope to last it forever. I was being like a child, pure and truthful, honest and joyful.

My desire to speak was getting higher, but I didn’t speak a word, as I promised him in the beginning and I would never break any rules laid by the man with whom I surrendered.

(The dream of a blind girl.)

Long silence was there as we are crossing all the way through the woods; it must have been three hours and were very close to the river bank. This is my favorite part of the journey to home, in the morning when I walked along the bank; sometimes I just like to sit in the bank for some time and feel the beauty of nature.  I listen to the rhythm of flowing water, the flying birds, sometimes sitting near to me and chirping a song, in chorus with chimes of leaves. For me, nature is a melodious music very deep; so many variations of melody, never same every day.

 People usually says nature is the most beautiful things that exist, the colors of nature are so vibrant, I do sometimes wish to know what are these colors, how beautiful they are…green, blue, red, violet…

And we are there, already walking along the bank, I was thirsty and walked towards the river to quench my thirst. I kneeled down in the river and lowered myself, fetch some water in my hand and sipped it of my hand and getting another sip.

Something just dragged me into deep river and in a second, was just under the water, in panic I hold my breath but something underneath has grabbed my skirt and pulling it even deeper. I made all my effort to come up to the surface to breathe, after struggling so long and trying all effort, I burst out and began to gulp the water. I was moving more intensely, and tried for my final effort to release myself.

On my struggle, I felt a rock and quickly get hold of it and with all my force, tried to rise up the water. With little more effort, I ripped some parts of my skirt and was able to get on the surface and inhaled my first life saving breath.

I am even panicking more as I am swimming in random direction; I am not far from bank but my choice of direction can make it far away and on top of that something underneath is wildly hunting me. I am trying to swim faster as I can, then there a sharp toothed thing pierced through back of my right thigh. Terrified, and am even moving faster in water with the pierced teeth on my leg, then huge thing stroke few times on my head, losing my muscles in sec, trying to get conscious, but inhaling water continuously.

There’s a vigorous movement beneath the water as I slowly submerged, I was tired to make any more effort for my existence, and I gave up. I am still dimmed conscious and after sometime, the rushing and crushing of water fades as I am lying in the dark bed of the river.

Pit-pat……..silence……pit-pit…...pat…. wake up… (Slaps), few more slaps…… recognized voice-wake up lady!

I slowly regain my consciousness, I was blank as black. I didn’t move an inch for long and trying to figure out what’s happening.

Voice, “thank god, you are alive”. 

I didn’t respond I am tired, I didn’t wanted to be alive anymore, and run for my life; all those terrors have gone way too far, and all I wanted is peace in mind, just peace.

Well, lady! If you want to play in the river at this hour of night, at least you should inform me. I came back to search you in right time, that’s why you are alive here, now, otherwise, God knows what could have happen.

I ignored, totally, what the man was saying to me, for a while, I am subtle and the treacherous night. I don’t deserve this, till now, in my conscience, I am good human being, and then, why all mighty lord is making me suffer.

Stranger man, “I stroke the water beast ten times with the dragger and then, it went away. What kind of fantasy is to swim, in these odd times, oh! Lass these days, I don’t understand them at all.”

He comes to me and makes me sit and opens a thin cotton shawl and wraps around me and says, “Now, you are dry, drink this, it’s only a cup of tea I have, you will feel better.”

I turned my face away, and he says, “Listen lady, drink this fast and we need to get going, I have to get away before dawn.”

The tea was warm and gave me little hope of survival; I got up myself and handed the shawl to the stranger man.

Stranger man, “Wear it, otherwise you will fall ill, here is your stroller.”

My face was blank and I walked away by handing him shawl and with my strolling stick.

I was moving very slowly, was as blank as my face. Nothing came to me, not a single thought.

The stranger man runs to catch me and says, “I think you are not thankful at all.”

He adds, “I saved your life, make you warm and gave you my last cup of tea.”

I was silent as dead.

“Okay, then that’s the deal, if you are with this much of pride, now, whatever happens, I m going to go my way”, Stranger man.

I walked slower, so, the man would be ahead, but, it didn’t work, he was matching up with my pace.
All of sudden, this cloud of thoughts surrounds me, what if something happens again. I am very weak now, and all the cuts and wounds are burning, and I am not able to walk with terror, pain and in everlasting darkness.

I hesitated to walk fast, and slowly, I felt he was bit ahead.

“Will I be able to walk through this forest tonight, it must be almost dawn. I need to escape from this man, I am not feeling secure with him; he is deceitful.”

“No, if he was then why would he save me from water beast.”

“He gave me shawl to make me warm; he gave his last cup of tea.”

“I am just being suspicious. And what he can gain from doing those to me.”

“But, I have never faced anything like this in whole my life.” Nothing attacked me till this date; I grew up crossing this forest.”

“I haven’t encountered anything, for once. And it’s already been twice, how it can be possible.”

“I need to run away from this stranger”.

There is a cave after the river; we already walked a long after the river, so it must be close. I started to scan the marker stone which will lead me to the cave. Help me god, I hope I haven’t surpassed it. I am so focused on searching it.

This is the only hope for me tonight; let’s see how luck supports me.

I am very disappointed to not to find the stone marker. It was the point where there is separation of two paths one leads through the jungle and one leads to cave.

When, I was child, me and sage, came to pick up the plum from the tree and then, we started playing hide and seek. She was lost for an hour, after calling her four hours; I finally reached the cave where she was hiding. After that it became our secret place.

Ah! Here is the stone, I was glad to find it; I slowly took the path to the cave, without making single noise.

After walking long, I reached the cave and swiftly get inside, and sat down.

“I will wait here, till morning. I am feeling little secure and safe. I get little rest.

God please, bring the dawn soon.”

It’s been while, I was laid there, and my eyes were getting heavier, but I couldn’t get sleep because I am petrified.

Cecilia, Cecillia…………………Cecillia…………….cecillia (shouting voice)

Me, “Is that you Sage? Sage (shouting), Is that you Sage?”

Sage, “Yeah, I am looking for you, Tom was barking whole night, so I went to check in your house, and you were not there, so, I was worried, so, I came to look after you.”

I jumped towards the voice and hugged her tightly, “my dear friend thank you so much, you don’t know, how happy I am to find you.”

“Yeah, I am so happy, I found you here in cave, and I am right at my guess.”

“But, what happened?”

I was still holding her, it’s a scary story, I was attacked by the wild beast twice and a stranger man saved me from them.

“Yeah”   (Voice of strange man)

I jumped away in terror from her and woke up petrified.

I am still in the cave, and so scared.

I am praying to God for every second. I am not a strong woman; I am weakened by all kinds of fear.

“How was your nap?” said Ghostly voice.

I get up immediately.

“Don’t be scared.”

I recognized that he is a stranger man.

Stranger man, “Are you running away from me?”

I picked up my stroller, and walked outside of cave.

Stranger man, “No, body runs away from me.”

After this, I started moving faster.

“You are very smart lady, you, escaped; now again, trying to run away from me.”, stranger man.

“Nobody can run away from me.”, stranger man said softly.

“Nobody runs away from me”, raises his voice.

“You understand me.” , shouting.

Nobody, means nobody, yelling at his top of his voice.

I started running.

I heard him running behind, in panic; I was running as fast as I can, as I am wounded so much.

He stabbed me on the neck from the back.

I immediately fall down. It was in tremendous pain but I hold my breath in terror.

I hear him coming closer to me; I am evening feeling his breath over my face.

I heard him walking away.

I laid there till the sounds fades away.

I am full of tears and pain, lying on ground, with dirt’s over me, breathing my last breath, the warm bloods flowing through both sides of neck.

“Why?”

“Why?”

“Why?”

“Why?”

I gathered single energy stored on each cell and somehow managed to get up for the last time.

The blood from neck have reached my chest and wetted it.

I started running sluggishly towards the village.
I was falling and dragging myself forcefully, I slowly removed the knife which was still on back of my neck.

Ahhhhhh!

Taking long breath, started to run again.

I was finally out of the jungle, where there is a huge lake. Birds are chirping, it must have been dawn.

I heard somebody in the bank of lake, pushing the boat for sailing.

“Is that you stranger man.”

He was silent.

I drag myself towards the bank.

Is that you stranger man????

Why?

Why? You have done this to poor blind girl.

Please, tell me why? Before I die.

Why?  Why? Why?

I am tired and weak and slowly trying to get down.

I am forcefully standing on the bank, was feeling dizzy and just collapsed on the knee and to the ground.

I was lying on sand, and heard the boat started sailing, still no words from the stranger man.

I was getting conscious in short times, I heard it was sailing away and away.

(The sound of sailing of boat vanishes and all gets black)




THE END




(Fictional Story)
August, 2011

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Thoughts or voids


One more time, some people in life just passes by and whispers the golden thought in my ears and there I again stand totally blank, with no ideas of what's going around. This is not the first time, it always have happened and for very short moment, I just lost into these thoughts which I haven't figured out, still long way to go. It is not math where I could conclude this equals that, these are thoughts which creates voids on me. I am indeed a void, trying to understands these gaps, and voids of life, more I learn of it, more I voidified myself.


The life is a strangest thing I have ever encountered, for many people, for some reason its very simple, but for me, due to void reasons, it's as a little bone stuck in my neck. The understanding of void has challenged my life and every time some one whispering very loud gets me back to the same thought.


Most of the time people complains me, I abstractize everything, I don't understand what they mean. What is abstractization? I gets totally blank when these complex things are forwarded to me as my ideas. I am trying to simplify voids, rather than making it complex.If it was very clear to me, this sentence might not have existed. 


Sometimes, I am so blank that just my hands are typing and I am totally in void state of mind. It's really difficult to understand. My perception of void, it is the state of mind where thoughts generation shuts down but one continues the previously initiated work and with full consciousness of what is being done. And this very moment one realizes and tries to gain back thought generation state causing a deep pain inside the brain(it is a physical pain).


I called this void state because it doesn't generate a single thought, it is as blank as empty pot. But this is not only void I am elaborating here, there are various kinds of voids for example, when one encounters a striking or revolutionary or simple thought which is related to something which amplifies the thought leading one to the state of void. And sometimes, thought itself is a huge void, more you dig down, it grows larger and larger. There are many forms of it, I can come up with many ideas of it but essential thing is to understand it.


I don't remember who put these seeds on me, now its growing larger day by day, I am strangler by it whenever I tried to set myself free. These are the voids which puts me off, without its understand I feel like one inch forward movement is meaning less in life.


These voids are more dangerous than drugs addiction, drugs addicts can be cured after sometime if taken care properly, but for voids, once the seeds are grown, it is hard to pluck it out of your mind soil. And every now and then, one encounter something which connects you to these seeds or plants, and there is no way to escape. It is the most dangerous addiction, I have ever seen in life, it can't be cured and it stays with you all along.


It is not necessary to be a bad thing, it can be good changes too, it totally depends on how it diverges inside you. 


These voids has created bigger holes and I don't know it will be contained or voidified. Being optimisitic is last natural choice of human survival, and naturally I will get along with it........ 

Saturday, 18 February 2012

Never created any boundaries in my mind, never thought of single thing that was done, I was just flowing with life , I accepted whatever it came to me, I tried really hard to dissolve with situations, I am also another human being. I did tried whatever in my hand. The thick vein was connecting our hearts, perception of mine but with you, it was the thin red thread, I stumbled upon and didn't took a sec to break.


July, 2011

Sunday, 12 June 2011



Lost in the lust of dream



Once in times, I used to dream my life that it would be this and that. I will have a small house in the middle of the ocean and small boat to sail. I will sail whole day, go for fishing and come back in late evening when sun goes down and I'll watch the sun until it sets in the vast horizon. I was dreaming this every day,so happy with my dream, beautiful and heartwarming.

Day by day, I was losing reality to the dreams, I was halucinated by the thought and involved myself on dreaming and was literally living in it. I almost have forgotten that reality where I was dreaming the dream of spark which was so bright eliminating all the shadows. 

My intense imagination and blissful dream dissolved me totally. One day I realized that, it has been long ago when I had already stopped living in my real world. I left my friends, my families, my dear ones and those who were near me. I was walking this loneliroad, all alone, with the hope to lit myself so brightly.  The waves of my dream have taken me away from the seashore to the nowhere, from where I cannot see anything besides the vast ocean of my imagination. Then, I realised was lost, in panic I tried to search for a land, which was impossible for my eye to catch,and just found myself floating in waves, waves of dream.

Still lost in my deep dream, suddenly, I was crashed on some rocks by the powerful wave, breaking me down. I don't remember after that, what happened to me. When I woke up it was a bright sunny day, shinning so bright in my eyes, I tried to open my eyes and the glare was very sharp. After struggle myself to get up, I managed to sit on a large piece of rock in which I was lying, which was subdued under water. I felt like it had been days since I was lying in this rock and was struggling for my life.

I didn't have water, food, neither a house nor a boat which I was dreaming for long. I realized God did gave me everything I wished for, I was in the middle of the ocean with the exotic nature with me and only thing I didn't have was a beautiful house and a boat with me to sail . . . . . . . . .

Wednesday, 6 April 2011



Runway


There is a notion of sense of lacking of some mystical particle on you. There lies a thirst of unknown imagination and might have the vision of emptiness. The divine power to lose yourself is the factor which attracts you more towards the invisibility. This attraction can be towards invisible factor that cannot be seen, felt and heard. What can be compelling to this attraction?, Who can be behind the scene and Why the destination is invisible and still you are moving faster towards it, while living behind the imaginary paths. One, who is assured of these pathways can blindly think, it can determine ones destiny. Is this imaginary trajectory which individual experienced is the only way to reach ones destination or is it even leading close to your invisibility you dreamed of. Doubt, confusion, might be, sure, can be the answer of many of you.


Time, it plays essential role, it can fullfills ones thirst. But running after invisibile spot, does anyone reach the target at the end. In the runway of life, do you run faster than time? No, you will definitely not, time illudes one, as it is running slower. The main point is why you are running with time; do you want to defeat time? , though you can never win.

Every one is running around with the timeline, some runs for money, some runs for love, some runs for humanity, some runs for country, some runs for drugs, each individual has many reasons to run. But they don’t know the realm of run. Take time and ask ownself why I am running, for what? Just stop.

Just stop running for a moment, one doesn’t need to stop long, for a minute, one can start realising every thing you desire runs towards you. Don’t let you and your destiny to run in different direction. Buddha didn’t run, everything came to his feet even he defeated time and merge in eternity. But is this eternity limited to human race, or it still dissolves in infinity. Though Buddha was in different level than ours, it is not a question to become a Buddha, the thought here is more rationalised with “running for reasons we sets for ourselves”.  Running is mere transforming oneself in imagination; stopping is more like let yourself evolve. It is related of becoming and to be.

Stopping is harder than running.  There might be possibility of it to be the hardest.

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

Full-stop

Once, I was wondering about a thought of an infant, as soon as it is born in this world, what he/she might be thinking. I was spending whole day, trying to have a perception of an infant's thought, it might be as easy as it can be a single point, but it is hard to target such a point in the vast imagination.
I gaze for hours to have a glimpse where that point be in child's thought. I realize that one can simply locate a point in our imagination in infinite way, with infinite character, black, green shaded, small, large, medium, e.t.c.
For another person to have same glimpse of same point seems to be impossible.
Moreover, the children's thought are more dynamic changes within a blink.
The vigorous procession of millions of thoughts, eventually molds the child in rigid character. This character or molded forms of child, has gone through a long way of his own method of thinking.
Many attempt, after number of  failure and success, it finally finds a way of thinking and mold itself, totally depending on situations, experiences he/she might faces and the environment where he/she has grown.
It takes almost approx. 18 years to normal person to develop and grow both mentally and physically in general.
By the age of 18 each human has generated or formed their own method of thinking cycle, which is unique as an individual.

Suddenly, after years of struggle while growing in your natural process, if there you find a full-stop in your thought.